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Funny Jokes for One Getting Married

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Hilarious One Liners - Marriage


Hilarious 1 Liners - Marriage

So many hilarious i liners nearly "marital bliss." Fifty-fifty Socrates gets into the act. Marriage gives you lots to express joy about - with your partner or without.

Hilarious Ane Liners:
Matrimony, Group 1


Past all means ally. If y'all become a good married woman, you'll go happy. If you get a bad one, you lot'll go a philosopher.
- Socrates

I married a German language. Every nighttime I dress up as Poland and he invades me.
- Bette Midler

Wives are people who experience they don't dance enough.
- Groucho Marx

In my house I'm the boss. My married woman is just the decision maker.
- Woody Allen

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
- Phyllis Diller

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
- Rita Rudner

Always get married early on in the morning. That mode, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole twenty-four hour period.
- Mickey Rooney (married 8 times)

Hilarious Ane Liners:
Marriage, Group ii

My married woman and I were happy for twenty years. Then nosotros met.
- Rodney Dangerfield

The all-time style to get well-nigh husbands to do something is to suggest that perchance they're too old to do information technology.
- Ann Bancroft

What's the departure betwixt a boyfriend and a married man?
About thirty pounds.
- Cindy Garner

Never become to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I experience similar getting married they ship over a lady in a housecoat and curlers to burn down my toast for me.
- Dick Martin

People are always asking couples whose marriages take endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my married man for not being Paul Newman.
- Erma Bombeck

Marriage is a keen institution, only I'm not fix for an institution even so.
- Mae West


Funny Quotations:
Matrimony , Grouping 3

Never try to print a woman, because if yous practise she'll expect yous to keep upwardly the standard for the rest of your life.
- W. C. Fields

Marriage is a three-band circus. Starting time the engagement band, the the wedding ceremony ring, and so the suffering.
- Milton Berle

I was married by a gauge. I should have asked for a jury.
- George Burns

My wife is a light eater ... as presently as it's lite, she starts to consume.
- Henny Youngman

Gays and lesbians getting married -- haven't they suffered enough?
- From a cartoon by Michael Shaw

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language language. Could information technology be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
- George Carlin

The most unsafe nutrient is hymeneals cake.
- James Thurber


Hilarious One Liners:
Marriage , Group iv

You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets.
- Nora Ephron

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-7 years and non one time have nosotros had an argument serious plenty to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.
- Jack Benny

Husbands are like fires, they go out when unattended.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

It was a perfect matrimony. She didn't desire to and he couldn't.
- Spike Milligan

I dearest existence married. Information technology's so great to find that one special person yous want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

A good married woman ever forgives her hubby when she's wrong.
- Milton Berle

I never mind my wife having the last word. In fact, I'thousand delighted when she gets to information technology.
- Walter Matthau


Hilarious I Liners:
Wedlock, Group 5

I recollect men who have a pierced ear are improve prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

We sleep in carve up rooms, nosotros have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything nosotros can to keep our spousal relationship together.
- Rodney Dangerfield

All marriages are happy. It'south trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.
- Shelley Winters

My friend's snoring is so bad his wife bought one of those anti-snoring devices. I believe it's chosen a taser.
- Greg Tamblyn

Practice you know what it ways to come up habitation at night to a adult female who'll give you a picayune love, a trivial attention, a little tenderness? It means y'all're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
- Henny Youngman

I was and so cold the other day, I almost got married.
- Shelley Winters

When marriage goes out the door, love comes innuendo!
- Groucho Marx


Funny Quotations: Spousal relationship , Grouping half-dozen

Basically my wife was young. I'd exist in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
- Woody Allen

Don't marry a human being to reform him - that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.
- Ambrose Bierce

Mr. Right is coming. But he'southward in Africa and he's walking.
- Oprah Winfrey

A hubby is what's left of the lover after the nervus has been extracted.
- Helen Rowland

Never tell your married woman she'south lousy in bed. She'll become out and become a second stance.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I plant my wife in bed naked one day adjacent to a Vietnamese guy and a black guy. I took a picture and sent it to Benetton. Y'all never know.
- Franck Dubosc

Bigamy is having 1 wife likewise many. Monogamy is the aforementioned.
- Oscar Wilde

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Funny Marriage Quotes

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